Getting ‘to the beach’ is not always straightforward

13 Apr

Quite a few years ago, I recall my dad telling me about his courtship of my mum. The year was 1951 & a rival suitor - a snappy dresser with a sports car - had temporarily captured her attention. But it didn’t last long. Mum worked out where her affections lay & she confidently said “yes” when dad eventually popped the question. By the time mum died in 2018, they’d been married for 63 years.

As interesting as the story was, the thing I remember the most was the way he summarised their courtship. He simply said…

“We didn’t surf in on one wave, but we did get to the beach”

Now, dad wasn’t especially poetic. But every now & again he could express things in a way that would stick & this was one of those times. Interestingly, I’ve recently found myself thinking about that statement & relating it to the way my career has unfolded over the past 25 years.

Bodysurfing as a metaphor

Dad loved to body surf. I’ve no doubt this influenced the way he shaped his metaphor. But I’ve always liked it because it concisely captures the way many things in life are an exercise in persistence. Striving towards desirable outcomes (goals) is very much like trying to catch waves…a mixture of tepid swells that don’t amount to much, rough dumpers that leave your head reeling, & long satisfying rides that make you want to head back out & have another go.

To extend the metaphor, this week I’ll be towelling myself down after one of those long satisfying rides & graduating with a Bachelor of Exercise & Sports Science from the University of Newcastle. Thanks to some course credits, I managed to finish the 3-year degree in <5 years (part-time). But that’s still quite a long time & a lot has happened.

An itch that needed to be scratched

I’m not sure how unusual it is but I’ve been a mature-age undergraduate student twice in my life...first when I was 31 (psychology) & then at 51 (exercise & sports science). The obvious question is, why do it? Well, it wasn’t because I needed another degree. I already had three & after finishing the last of them (in 2006), I clearly recall telling my wife, “That’s it, I’m done!”

However, it seems I wasn’t done. Despite having carved out a stable career for myself, I decided to shake things up. Some might say needlessly, given the clear pathway I had towards retirement. After all, who flirts with career change in their 50s? Apparently I do! But the “why” question still lingers & the best way to answer it is simply to say I had an itch that just needed to be scratched. One that had been there for a very long time.

Ah-ha…human movement!

My interest in exercise science can be pegged to an active adolescence, a profoundly enriching Outward Bound course when I was 21 & an enthralling conversation I had in a south London flat (when I was 26) , with an Australian guy who’d just finished a human movement degree. This set the wheels in motion & by the end of my two years overseas, I had the clarity I’d left Sydney to find. As I sat in a taxi heading for Bangkok airport - about to fly home - I finally knew what I wanted to do.

Within a week or two of returning to Sydney, I - to continue the metaphor - plunged headlong into the ‘surf’. I spoke to some universities about study options & started doing the old ACHPER fitness leaders course (circa 1994). Whilst it was all highly exciting, it was also incredibly daunting. Unfortunately, as the weeks rolled by & the hurdles to my new career appeared, my courage started to fail me.

Faced with the reality of living in an expensive city, with rusty study skills & the confusing nomenclature of exercise science, I decided it was all a bit too hard. You could say I was “out the back” but too tired & too low on confidence to catch any waves.

Getting to ‘the beach’ is not always straightforward

But all was not lost. The wheels that started to turn in London had kept on turning. Four years after returning from overseas, I found myself at university for the first time, sitting in an undergraduate psychology class & feeling very conscious about my age. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I would spend the next 8 years studying psychology & coaching psychology, picking up a Bachelors degree, a Masters degree and a PhD along the way. As it turned out, I was prepared to take on a challenge & to ride a few waves, it just took me a while to get to it.

What I also didn’t realise was that I wasn’t done with human movement, exercise science or whatever people prefer to call it. Sure, I’d been riding the waves - and some pretty good ones - but I hadn’t quite reached the beach. This became increasingly obvious near the end of 2015, about 18 months before my 50th birthday, when I laced up my running shoes & headed out to attempt (yet another) reconnection with running.

Looking for new waves

I’ve often said that running was the catalyst for my return to formal study. Whilst that’s partly true - at the risk of mixing metaphors - it’s also true that that match had been struck 25+ years earlier.

Quite simply, there were things about myself & other human beings that I wanted to know more about. Having some understanding about how humans tick psychologically, I wanted to understand more about our physiological & biomechanical functioning, & its effects on human performance in multiple domains of life, not just in athletic pursuits.

Whilst I didn’t know exactly where the degree would take me, I knew there was value in doing it. That became immediately clear to me in my first structural anatomy lecture. It was focused on the human heart, its four chambers & essential functions. In a surreal twist, the lecture was given a mere two days after my mum passed away from a complication following heart surgery.

However, given she was 44 when she first went to university, it felt right to stick with the plan. As sad as I was at the time, I’ll always be glad I went that day. It kicked off an incredibly stimulating learning experience for me, one that has fundamentally changed the way I think about life & see my potential usefulness in the world.

Healthy ageing & how physical activity loves you back

The degree has also resulted in some unexpected joys. It triggered the writing of two books (one with my 16-year-old son, Riley) on healthy ageing & the many, many ways that physical activity promotes it. It prompted me to become a running coach for the Can Too Foundation & help novice & aspiring runners develop a joy for that sport. It energised me to find a different way to contribute to my community, by helping to establish a new local parkrun. These were some great waves to ride.

But there have also been plenty of dumpers…powerful breakers that, at times, totally rattled me! Like my dad’s unexpected death (19 months after mum). Like COVID & all that entailed. Like the anxiety of leaving the University of Wollongong - in the middle of a pandemic - to forcefully commit myself to a new direction & pursue new opportunities.

It should be clear by now that I haven’t surfed towards my interests on the crest of one wave. But how often does that ever really happen?

And to the $64,000 question…

It is perhaps less clear if I have indeed reached the beach? An answer to that question depends on how you define things. For me, ‘the beach’ is about actively engaging with work that is utterly meaningful & fulfilling. Whilst 20 years of teaching, research, writing & private practice work has had many enjoyable & satisfying moments, it has not always felt complete. As this feeling grew, so did the restlessness to learn that I ultimately acted on.

So, have I reached it? I’ve thought a lot about that & I’d have to say I reckon I have! Sure, I’m still catching my breath & yes, I’ve some sand in my shorts & a waterlogged ear, but I’m pretty much where I hoped I’d end up. To steal a phrase from the great Carl Rogers, I’ve a totally different perspective now on what it means to be a fully functioning person & what it means to live well. It’s a perspective I’m energised to share with the world & 2023 will be devoted to continuing the development of simple tools & practical approaches that can support sustainable performance & healthy ageing.

In the meantime, here endth the metaphor!

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